5 Ways to be Happy without being Perfect!

Most folks are about as happy

as they make up their minds to be.

~Abraham Lincoln

This is an extract from an article written by the psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos and printed in Woman & Home June 2011. It is so relevant to my current blog thread that I couldn't have put it better myself, so I haven't tried.

I hope you enjoy it.

1. Forget the word "Must"

Next time you hear yourself thinking "I must" "I should" or "I have to", stop and challenge that thought. As soon as those words enter our heads life feels like a chore. Our sense of control goes out of the window, along with our sense of fun! Reframe the way you see your "musts" in life, so you feel like you're doing things on your own terms.

2. See mistakes as a journey

Sure, things go wrong sometimes, but no one is supposed to be perfect in life - everything we do, right and wrong, is a journey towards either understanding ourselves or a situation. We all have an internal bully, but negative self talk is counterproductive. Instead, focus on what you can learn from your mistakes.

3. Be the Unedited you

This is all about learning to let go of self-consciousness. No one has the right to judge you, and accepting that, is the first step towards being the 'unedited" you. Learn to break the habit of shaping your personality to fit those around you. People-pleasing won't bring happiness ultimately, and remember you could have lots of friends telling you you're great, but if you can't fight your internal critic, you'll struggle to be happy.

4. Don't over-analyse

Whether it's your boss or a so-called friend who fires a killer insult at you, instead of dwelling on it, only give yourself a set amount of time (say 15 minutes) to think it over. Ask, "Is there anything I can learn from this comment? Do I want to confront them about it?" If nothing positive can come from it, then don't let is take up headspace, which could be given to healthier, happier thoughts. There's a great saying: there are only two things to worry about:

• 1. Things you can fix - in which case, fix them.


• 2. Things you can't fix - in which case, stop worrying about them!

5. Pick your Fights

No matter how great your relationship, everyone has the odd bicker. It may be you've got in the habit of picking up on the little things, instead of addressing the fundamentals. So he didn't do the dishes. Ask yourself, "What's the real issue?" Possibly you feel it shows a lack of respect. Look out for any patterns or recurring themes, then talk to him about what is really bugging you. Next check if what you heard is what was actually said. Did he really say "I can't be bothered to chat" or is he just tired? Reflecting on what you've heard helps clear up any miscommunication, making for a happier relationship.

If you would like to talk through with me the barriers to your happiness, please contact me at Nicholl Consultancy and I'll be delighted to work alongside you.

My next article will explore a further 5 barriers to your happiness, so until then

Bye for now and keep smiling!

Sharon

Is Perfectionism paralysing you?

Striving for excellence motivates you;

striving for Perfectionism is demoralising.

Harriet Braiker

Firstly, let's be clear about what a 'Perfectionist' is. According to the Oxford Dictionary it means "a person who seeks perfection" ok then, what is perfection? Again according to the dictionary it is 'without faults or defects'. Now, I don't know about you but I don't know anybody or anything without faults or defects, can you imagine how boring the world would be if everything was perfect - what would the creator of the world do for an encore?

To quote Rosalynn Carter "Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence. If you are wondering whether or not you're a perfectionist, there's a good chance that you are one!

Don't get me wrong, doing things to the best of your ability is absolutely great, 80% is often good enough nothing really has to be 120%! However if you constantly put yourself down, no matter how well you do or you expect too much from those around you or put off starting something because you haven't yet got a plan to make it perfect, then how happy and productive are you going to be - my guess is not very.

Even though we live in an imperfect world, there are those who are obsessed with making their lives absolutely perfect. However, if we leave no room for error, then no matter what challenge or project or piece of work we take on, the end result will always be a disappointment.

I shall let you into a little secret - but I need to whisper it - I am a perfectionist - there I've said it and boy is it hard work. For example, I have been meaning to write this blog since Monday and it is now 5pm on Wednesday, what kept me? Well, the house needed to be hoovered, the tumble dryer needed the fluff taken out of the filter and the lawn needed to be cut and of course my office needed to be tidied before I could possibly sit down and start to collect my thoughts about perfectionism!

So, today I decided that no matter what, I was doing to do this blog and I am actually in a rather untidy office and that is not the way I like to work, but I am making myself do it and you know what, once I started to write, I actually forgot the slight mess around me and got absorbed by what I was doing and the world didn't stop!

One of my friends phoned me at lunch time and told me that she was having an admin day because tomorrow she would have to start preparing a set of workshops that she will be delivering in a couple of weeks time, but she said, she didn't know how long they would take her, because she had to do loads of research and plan the templates she wanted to use, and, and, and .... then I said to her, what research? what templates? These are not completely new workshops, you won the contract because you have delivered these subjects before, so you just need to put them together in a more bespoke way geared towards this particular client, so stop making excuses! She agreed that, that was exactly what she was doing and then - eureka, she said she felt so motivated and realised that the first pass didn't have to be perfect, then she flashed up her computer whilst we were still talking and made a start.

So, when are you going to have your 'Eureka' moment?

When are you going to stop setting your goals out of reach? - Stretched is great and very necessary but don't set yourself unrealistic standards.

Baby steps will take you out of the perfectionism trap, slowly but surely - mine today was working in a slightly messy office and getting this blog written - leave me a comment to let me know what is your baby step?

Before writing this, I did some research - which won't surprise you now you know I am/was a perfectionist! So I have lots more hints and tips about what perfectionists need to watch out for, if you would like more articles on this subject, then leave me a comment.

Also, if you want help to accept that 80% is good enough, then get in touch with me at

Nicholl Consultancy to fix up your free 45 minute session. This can be over the phone, so distance is not a barrier.

Now I can get on with tidying my office!

Until next time - Just Do It!

Thoughts about Networking

It isn't just what you know, and it isn't just who you know.

It's actually who you know, who knows you,

and what you do for a living.

~ Bob Burg

Since I started my business a few years ago, I knew that it was necessary for me to 'get out there' and network in order to get known and to build relationships. Because, like it or not, people buy from people they like, know and trust, it is very unlikely that they buy from strangers - you don't do you, so why should anybody else?

I tried a few network groups, I found some to be too formal for me, others were all female groups and I found that I didn't like that. Then I tried
4 Networking and I really enjoyed it. The breakfast meetings are really well structured but remain very friendly and there at 290 groups all around the country, so once you are a member, wherever you are based or doing business, you can pop into a local group and you are made very welcome.

At each meeting you give a 40 second pitch about your business, you have 3 ten minute 1-2-1 appointments with people of your choosing to learn more about them and their business, and there is a 10 minute 4 Sight presentation, which is an opportunity to learn something new, it is not a sales pitch.

According to the 4 Networking blurb it:

• provides personal and business support
• somewhere to give and receive advice
• a place to find good quality, reliable suppliers
• allows you to develop valuable collaborations and alliances
• a balance of 50% business, 50% social ... and it works!
• ideal for gaining introductions to new business.

It also has a brilliant on-line Forum, which Google just loves.

4 Networking is my group of choice, I enjoy the meetings, I have gained a number of new clients and great opportunities, plus I have met useful suppliers and also made some good friends.

So if you want to get out and about in order to grow your business I recommend
4 Networking and if you want to have somebody alongside you as your business grows and thrives then get in touch with me at www.nichollconsultancy.co.uk for a chat.

I would also love to hear about your experience of networking - just leave me a comment.

Until next time - great networking!

Sharon

Handling Customer Complaints

"You can handle anything if you think you can.

Just keep your cool and your sense of humour."

Smiley Blanton

Twelve golden rules:

· Treat all complaints seriously, don’t take the complaint or criticism personally;

· make your first response positive;

· don’t rush onto the defensive;

· try to resolve the complaint as your first objective;

· avoid using jargon that the customer might not understand;

· if there has been a mistake – acknowledge it and apologise;

· be prepared to take responsibility for other people’s mistakes;

· take the initiative with suggestions to put things right and offer choices;

· try to make amends – however don’t make promises you can’t keep;

· if the customer is wrong, don’t embarrass them if you need to point it out;

· be tactful and learn from mistakes;

· watch your body language; say you’re sorry with your actions as well as your words.

If you find dealing with complaints from customers difficult or would like to become more assertive, then do get in touch with me at Nicholl Consultancy.

Until next time - stay calm!

What image are you projecting?

People make their judgements of us

based on their perceptions of our character,

and those perceptions
come from the image we project.

(from Shaun Belding's book Win at Work)

Why is it that some people seem to get ahead faster than others?

How do individuals develop that positive reputation as the 'go-to' people in the workplace?

What gives some people, the edge in promotion opportunities?

The chances are,
it is because they have marketed themselves that way.

Think about your own personal image, maybe others are misinterpreting your actions?

• 
  
  Perhaps perceiving your thoughtful silence as disinterest?


• 
  
  Or seeing your well-intended 'devil's advocate' approach to being objective as 'not being a team player'?


• 
  
  Or your humerous approach to issues as somebody who doesn't take things seriously enough?

There are three basic steps to marketing yourself effectively:

1. Position yourself - are you the 'economy' brand or the Finest, how do you want to be perceived?



2. Live your brand, by reflecting this quality in absolutely everything you do - never be off-duty or caught off-guard.



3. Be consistent - avoid the temptation to project a different image depending on who you are with.

Whatever you are doing, how others perceive you, is totally within your control. If you feel that you need help with projecting your desired image. Then please contact me at Nicholl Consultancy I look forward to working with you.

Until next time, watch the image that you are projecting!

What are you focusing on?

Ask yourself where your focus is. Are you focusing on your fear and what can go wrong or are you focusing on the end result that you want to create?

Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.

– Alan Loy McGinnis

F = FOCUS

• Keep in mind that when you focus on the end result, your fear usually takes a back seat.

E = ENERGY

• Check your energy levels - are they low and negative?


• If they are, you are focused on your fears and you are making them a reality.


• Ask yourself what is positive about the result you want to create, really explore the benefits of achieving your goals and get excited about them, this will activiate your positive energy and then let this positive energy pull you forward.

A = ACTION

• The one thing that kills fear dead in its tracks, is action


• Never mistake motion for action


• Often our fears are huge in our mind, but small in reality


• Adjust your focus, tap into your high, positive energy and then build instant momentum by taking action - immediately!

R = RESULTS

• Once you have taken action, you will create results by default


• Once you have created a result, no matter how small it is, ask yourself if you are moving closer to your goal or further away?


• Then make the necessary changes and take further action


• By building on small wins, your momentum will increase and you will breeze through your fears without any problems.

If you feel you need help with your focus, then please just get in touch with me at Nicholl Consultancy and I will help you to get started.

Until next time - keep the end in mind.

How to create more time in your day

Question: I have loads of plans for my business, but I never seem to have any time available to complete them. How would I go about getting more time in my business?

If you want to make good use of your time,

you’ve got to know what’s most important

and then give it all you’ve got.

Lee Iacocca

Answer: Great question! Excellent time management is something that is absolutely critical for everybody, but particularly if you run your own business. A good place to start with your time management is by being really clear on how you are spending your time. Carefully monitor exactly how you spend your time over the period of a week. Prepare a page for each day of the week, with 30 minute time slots on it, and then fill in your tasks as you go, we all under-estimate how long things will take us, which results in other things, which may be really important, not being done at all. You may be quite shocked at how much time you lose by answering non-urgent e-mails or allowing phone calls to go on for longer than necessary – it all mounts up. By doing this, you will notice, which things you spend too long over and also what you are doing which can either be delegated or are not required to be done at all.

Once you fully understand how you are spending your time, you need to ask yourself the following questions for each of those tasks:

1. What would be the impact on clients if the task isn’t completed today?
2. What would be the financial impact on the company if the task isn’t completed today?
3. Where there are deadlines, which ones can be put back until another day?
4. What are the causes and effects of completing (or not completed) a specific task day?

By answering those questions honestly, you can then further separate out the tasks which must be completed immediately, and if you have a number of those tasks, how do you prioritise them?
Well, I give each task a letter, for example:

A = Top priority jobs – those which must be completed today
B = Jobs that should be completed today
C = Jobs that you’d prefer to complete today but can be put off until tomorrow
D = Jobs where the deadline is some way off and you can complete later.

There are aspects of all jobs which we prefer to others that we need to accomplish. Then we procrastinate over the things we dislike doing the most by putting it off, although the thought of having to do it often hangs over us. Endeavour to get the things you dislike doing completed as early in the day as you can, this will give you a great sense of satisfaction and will allow you to continue through the day ‘on a high’.

By using the above techniques you should easily be able to save yourself at least 30 minutes per day, which adds up to 2.5 hours per week, more than enough time to get going on the plans you have for your business.

If you feel that it would be easier for you to get control of your time management if you were working with somebody then please just get in touch with me at Nicholl Consultancy and I would love to get you started.

Finally, have a fabulous Christmas and a successful 2011 - bye for now!