5 Ways to be Happy without being Perfect!

Most folks are about as happy

as they make up their minds to be.

~Abraham Lincoln

This is an extract from an article written by the psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos and printed in Woman & Home June 2011. It is so relevant to my current blog thread that I couldn't have put it better myself, so I haven't tried.

I hope you enjoy it.

1. Forget the word "Must"

Next time you hear yourself thinking "I must" "I should" or "I have to", stop and challenge that thought. As soon as those words enter our heads life feels like a chore. Our sense of control goes out of the window, along with our sense of fun! Reframe the way you see your "musts" in life, so you feel like you're doing things on your own terms.

2. See mistakes as a journey

Sure, things go wrong sometimes, but no one is supposed to be perfect in life - everything we do, right and wrong, is a journey towards either understanding ourselves or a situation. We all have an internal bully, but negative self talk is counterproductive. Instead, focus on what you can learn from your mistakes.

3. Be the Unedited you

This is all about learning to let go of self-consciousness. No one has the right to judge you, and accepting that, is the first step towards being the 'unedited" you. Learn to break the habit of shaping your personality to fit those around you. People-pleasing won't bring happiness ultimately, and remember you could have lots of friends telling you you're great, but if you can't fight your internal critic, you'll struggle to be happy.

4. Don't over-analyse

Whether it's your boss or a so-called friend who fires a killer insult at you, instead of dwelling on it, only give yourself a set amount of time (say 15 minutes) to think it over. Ask, "Is there anything I can learn from this comment? Do I want to confront them about it?" If nothing positive can come from it, then don't let is take up headspace, which could be given to healthier, happier thoughts. There's a great saying: there are only two things to worry about:

• 1. Things you can fix - in which case, fix them.


• 2. Things you can't fix - in which case, stop worrying about them!

5. Pick your Fights

No matter how great your relationship, everyone has the odd bicker. It may be you've got in the habit of picking up on the little things, instead of addressing the fundamentals. So he didn't do the dishes. Ask yourself, "What's the real issue?" Possibly you feel it shows a lack of respect. Look out for any patterns or recurring themes, then talk to him about what is really bugging you. Next check if what you heard is what was actually said. Did he really say "I can't be bothered to chat" or is he just tired? Reflecting on what you've heard helps clear up any miscommunication, making for a happier relationship.

If you would like to talk through with me the barriers to your happiness, please contact me at Nicholl Consultancy and I'll be delighted to work alongside you.

My next article will explore a further 5 barriers to your happiness, so until then

Bye for now and keep smiling!

Sharon